A reason to fear


My biggest fear is not caducity itself but the long-forgotten memories of abuse, worse as you can imagine, to come back to me. Memories that will force me back into that horrible life again.
And if so you have all reason to fear... to fear me."

It is easy to say we forgive and forget but reality is we don't.

It is not a part of nature to forget. What happens to us, the life lessons learned are there to remember. They are a warning. Be aware, do not trust, save yourself, do not get hurt again.

You build your life.
It might be different from what you expected, way better as ever hoped for. You might find God and regret, but does your regret makes the ones you killed (softly) feel better, make them forget?

It takes time to heal.
Yes, you are the author of the rest of your life.
Good times lay ahead if you want it to be that way.
Life does go on and... every obstacle you take and leave behind will fill your mind with more experiences.

Mind and soul need time.
They both take all the time they need and you have to accept that.
Time is our invention. We push ourselves and others to stop grieving and say it's better to forget as soon as possible and forgive because it is the best thing to do.

Because anger, grieve and pain are in our way if it comes to happiness, they say.

But... No matter how hard you try your memory will not forget and it is not in nature to forgive.
It is survival of the fittest not of the weakest link!

The memory is there and if you ignore how you really feel it will hunt for you, haunt you.
To my opinion forgiveness is useless. If the word "sorry" is so frequently said it lost its value. Empty words are not needed but deeds.

He was an alcoholic and not a great dad.

Still, his wife stayed with him.
He stopped drinking and they grew old together.
They bought a house abroad to stay with their youngest son who just divorced.

Later their house was sold.
Money was needed to rebuild the old barn attached to the house of the son and they lived there.
The son remarried, got children and the parents paid for everything since son and his wife were jobless.

He became stroke after stroke after stroke and she gave up on life and became weaker.
The son and his wife kept both at home and were paid to take care of them. This way they made an income.

She died unexpectedly.
Now the son keeps his father alive. Only during meals, he is allowed to sit in a wheelchair at their table, the rest of the day he spends alone in his small living. His only company is the television set. He is not able to move a finger.

Caducity did not capture him, but his son and daughter-in-law do.
Now he has all the time to think over how he did treat his wife, his son.
The other children do no longer visit him from the moment on his wife died in 2016.
They also did not come to their mother's cremation.
"Afterall she is not gone", the daughter-in-law said.

The picture is a pixabay.com pic.

She was my friend and afraid of her own son.

The prompt of the daily 5-minute freewrite I used is caducity.

See @mariannewest.

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